A Hole In Forever by Scott Levy

Originally published in The Atherton Review 2021.

“I need to return this,” the woman said.

“Um, we don’t offer refunds,” Rufus responded.

“I don’t want a refund. I just can’t keep this. Please, I need you to take it.” She placed the book on the table he used as a counter. Her hands shook as she did so.

He looked at the cover. The illustration showed a young girl sitting inside a bubble. She was surrounded by a night sky filled with stars and planets. The title was, “A Hole In Forever.”

“Well,” he said, “if you don’t want it, I suppose…”

“I thought I wanted it. But nothing changed. It’s just as bad. Worse, even.”

Rufus recalled her visit from the day before when she purchased the old, hardbound children’s book. It was a bit battered, so he charged a low price for it. But then, all his prices were varying levels of low.

“Wow. I never thought I’d see this again.”

“I hear that a lot. People often stumble upon things here that they believed were long gone from their lives.”

“It terrified me when I was a kid,” she added. “Gave me nightmares.” She opened the illustrated book to the middle, showing a picture of the little girl from the cover standing inside a bubble. Tears streamed down her face, her eyes were shut, and she appeared to be screaming.

“This was where I stopped. Could never get past it—kept me awake for days. Finally, my Dad threw it in the trash. He told me I was safe because he’d gotten rid of it. That helped for a while, but then I started to worry that it would gain power from having been taken away. I thought maybe another kid would find it, and that would somehow make it all come true.”

Rufus stared at the illustration, curious to know its context.

“But that was so long ago,” she continued. “I’ve been in therapy for a while. I know it’s important to face my fears. Seeing this was a sign, don’t you think? A sign that it’s time to revisit my childhood and face down another terror?”

Unsure of how to respond, Rufus attempted a smile. Whether or not the woman noticed, she nevertheless bought the book.

But here she was the day after, back in his combination of home and store.

“I couldn’t get past that same damned page. The nightmares returned. It’s like being seven years old all over again. So please, take it. I need it to be gone from my life.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll take it.”

The unhappy customer nodded, her head bobbing it so intensely that Rufus conjured the image of it flying off her neck—he pictured it as an illustration, rendered by the same artist who had worked on the book he now held.

She looked around the cramped room, taking in the sight of the untold multitude of used books, comics, baseball cards and record albums haphazardly arranged on shelves and tables.

She climbed the staircase toward the upper floors, all three of them loaded with similar clutter.

Rufus opened the worn copy of A Hole In Forever, and began to read.

#

Seven year old Gracie watched Grandma nap in the easy chair. Kitty Kane purred while curled up on her lap. Both were peacefully asleep. Seeing this filled the young girl with happiness.

But Gracie also knew her Grandma was old and that cats didn’t live as long as people did.

Suddenly, the girl went from feeling happy to sad. She was afraid of losing those she loved. It was then that she made a wish: she wished, with all her might, that she could stop time.

A big bubble appeared, right there in her living room. Gracie felt warm all over. She walked towards it, feeling the heat grow stronger as she drew closer.

“Hello Gracie,” said a soft voice, coming from the bubble. “I heard your wish, and it has been granted. I am a hole in forever. If you come inside, you will stop time.”

Stopping time meant that Grandma and Kitty Kane would stay safe. It meant that Gracie could keep them in her life. Joy swept through her as she pushed on the warm edge of the bubble.

It gave way in her hands. Walking into it felt like settling down into a warm bath while somehow staying dry.

She sat inside the hole in forever. The clock on the mantle, above where her Grandma and cat snoozed, said three o’clock. Gracie noticed that the second hand was frozen between the one and the two. This meant that time really had stopped!

Looking out the window, she saw her Daddy in the front yard with his hands on the lawn mower. He was completely still.

She turned to the chair that held Grandma and Kitty Kane; they too were unmoving.

Gracie called out to them, but no sound escaped her lips. She looked back out the window and tried to get the attention of her motionless father. Yet again, no matter how hard she tried to shout, she could not make a sound.

The young girl who stood inside a hole in forever became afraid. Tears streamed down her face. She closed her eyes and tried to scream.

All she heard was silence.

#

He read past that point and finished the book. As he was doing so, he noticed the distant noise from above. It sounded different than mere footsteps from another floor. Bangs and thuds reverberated. Intrigued and unsettled, he climbed the stairs.

#

When he reached the fourth floor, Rufus saw a heaping sprawl of books in the middle of the room. Many messy piles filled the store, but this was a different sort of clump.

“I’m in here,” said a muffled voice from below.

He leaned down toward the source of the sound.

“I buried myself because I know it’s down there. It still has a hold on me. But it’s only one book. Maybe all these others can overpower it. And maybe—I know this sounds crazy—maybe I can just stay right here. For good.”

He heard the tremble in her voice.

“My name is Gracie too,” she said. “Like the little girl in the story. And she was the same age as me. That’s why my dad bought it. He thought I’d like it. My grandmother lived with us.

We even had a cat. It must have seemed like the perfect book for me. But that’s why it was so terrible.”

Rufus could tell that she had started to cry.

“They’re all gone,” she managed to say from beneath the mound. “My grandma died only about six months after I tried to read it the first time. Our cat was put to sleep not long after that. I lost my Dad two years ago.”

A sob escaped her. After a few moments, she spoke again.

“I started therapy around the time of his death. Thought I was making progress. Then I came here and found the book. And now it feels like I’m back to being seven. Only worse.”

Rufus opened the little volume and began to read out loud. After hearing her gasp, he further softened his already gentle voice and continued.

#

The voice she’d heard from before spoke from inside the bubble.

“I can hear your silent scream,” it said. “I know that you have another wish. You want Grandma and Kitty Kane to see you. You want to talk to your father. You want to hug and kiss them.”

Gracie, her eyes filled with tears, nodded.

“You are not trapped by the one wish you made, but only one wish can come true. You can either touch the people you love, or freeze them, and yourself, from the Hole In Forever.”

Gracie’s face was very wet. She wondered why she could not speak but could still cry.

But she did know which wish she wanted to be granted.

The air around her changed. It went from feeling warm like a bath to cool like a breeze.

The second hand on the clock moved.

Kitty Kane purred.

“Why are you crying, Gracie?” Grandma asked.

Her tears were different from before; they were happy ones. She called to her Daddy from the window, then ran to the chair. When she reached it, she hugged Grandma and Kitty Kane.

She turned to say goodbye to the hole in forever. But it had already vanished.

Gracie knew that one day, everyone she loved would vanish too. But that day was not today.

And that was the best that she could wish for.

#

A minute or two passed after Rufus spoke the words, “The end.” The books in the pile moved.

#

Gracie followed him downstairs. Rufus returned to his seat behind his makeshift counter. He placed the copy of A Hole In Forever atop it.

She stood for a moment, staring at the book. Then she reached for it.

“I might as well keep it,” she said. “After all, I paid for it.”